Polite Fiction

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
~King Edward VIII

Some really good friends of mine just announced that they are expecting a baby and I’m super happy for them. It seems most if not all of my friends are parents or soon to be parents. It begs the question of when I plan to have children of my own…not anytime soon I think. My wife and I never really had a serious “talk” when it comes to children. I think the unspoken agreement is that we will have them someday but we’re in no rush. Of course the pressures on us from family ever since my brother had his child. She’s a cute little bundle of sugar and spice named Lilly and it’s really amazing to see how much she affected my brother in her three weeks of life.

I’ve been reasonably sure that someday I’d have a child of my very own…I’ve heard they’re great sources of cheap labor. I’ve been half joking with my wife recently that we name our first born son Kal’el…this was of course until I learned that Nicholas Cage had named his son Kal’el as well. Now it doesn’t feel original. Damn you Nicholas Cage!

One of my biggest fears about having children is wether or not I’ll be a good dad. I’m sure I’ll be a great uncle because when all is said and done…I can return the child to their parents after feeding them huge amounts of sugar. When it comes to my own children I’m not sure how I’d do it. I’ve got some things up my sleeve that I believe would help build character for a child:

1. By a TV without a remote and make them change the channel for me
2. Teach them the ways of the bass guitar and instill its awesomeness upon them
3. Leave them out in the woods when they turn 3 to fend for themselves for 30 days and 30 nights
4. Expell the virtues of the Force and the wisdom of Master Yoda
5. Perform the Klingon Age of Ascension Ceremony when they’re 5 (with pain sticks)

Hmmm…maybe having a kid would be fun. hehehe